Fat Bastard on the Rebound!

Well I have finally committed to getting my fat ass back in shape again. I find it odd that many people are telling me that I look like I’ve lost weight or that I look good. I can’t quite figure it out because let me tell you *I* know I’m a fat bastard. Your friend my lie to you while you are both horking down Crispy Cream’s faster than my truck sucks gasoline but the scale don’t!

Besides, just because I may be “average” to everyone else I feel like a fat bastard. I’ve always been skinny and in shape. Now I feel fat and out of shape. So, being the selfish prick that I am it’s really all about me. J

In any case, I had been trying to do more things this summer like biking but it rains all the time. If I want to hike, it’s boring compared to hiking 9000-foot mountains with 2000-foot vertical climbs. And I’m really not sure which is worse – being accosted by a enraged crack head with a bald guy fetish or checking over my shoulder for grizzlies, but something tells me that I enjoy being with the bears more.

In any case, it’s all an excuse. Ultimately, you have to make the decision to be a fat bastard and balloon up to epic proportions Al Gore style, or do something about it. So I’m trying to do something about it. I was hitting the stationary cycle in PA, and now I signed back up at the local gym. They gave me a smoking price (can you beat $15.00 / month?) because I used to work out there all the time and remembered me. “WTF happened to you? You fat bastard!”

So now that I plonked down my hard earned cash I feel motivated to go to the gym because I am also a cheap bastard and I hate throwing my money away. Today was my first day lifting weights again. It was all chest and triceps for today with a good solid 30-mins of cardio on top of a warm-up and however long it took me to rip off some sets. I really tried to take it easy because I know I am going to be hurting for the 1st week or two. So I tried to be good and just let my body know it was going to be dealing with this again and to get ready for it.

Tomorrow, if you ask me how I am I’m sure I’ll say I am fine, but please don’t touch my he-bitch-man-titties!!!!

My Terrorist Activities

Today's Guest Posting is yet again from Bling! Thanks Bling! (My name has been slightly altered to protect my terrorist identitity)

"In the news, Brad Muhammad Smith is being sought in connection with recent terror activities. Authorities claim that nationwide levels of alcoholic beverages have dipped dangerously low and attribute the drop with the presence of Smith and his associates. While many terror experts dispute the claims, since Muslims do not normally drink, witnesses have shown increased willingness to come forward with stories of late night binges and surreptitious partying. The prosecution's main witness, known only by the code name "The Weasel" has agreed to provide details about past activities of Smith. Police have requested that anyone knowing the whereabouts of Brad "Allah is All" Smith should not approach him, but instead to alert the authorities and order him a drink......."

Track Days

‘Priller is Just Fine

Last week, Hopper and I had a small accident in which we ended up colliding while on our bikes. We are both fine, but the bikes suffered some minor damage. I think mine got the least of it as his fender hit my back tire and got my right-side tail-pipe.

The pipe itself came out mostly OK with some minor scratching and a hairline crack in the carbon fiber weave – all on the underside of the pipe. The worst thing that happened on my bike is that the steel band that holds the pipe on got munched pretty good. I took it all off the bike and straightened it out yesterday. Nothing like sweating your balls off in the garage and getting metallic fragments buried into your skin while you try to straighten something like this out. Fortunately, with some very minor exceptions your average person probably can’t even tell that something happened to the bike.

His bike got it much worse as his dresser fender got wrinkled up and crushed the front running light.

I felt really bad for him because he’s only had his “new” HD about a month and so far:

The seat almost came off of it in mid-ride because the bolts vibrated out. He said that it was a “pucker” moment and that his eyeballs almost touched his goggles.

His check engine light had been coming on – unknown as to why at this point.

His front fender is now damaged and will be far more difficult to repair than my ‘Priller.

Why are Dems Trying to Snuff Out Common Sense?

There is a bill being proposed that originally started as a non-bipartisan bill to prevent people from being sued should they report suspected terrorist activity to the authorities. I think what kicked this off was the group of Muslim scholars that were about to board a plane when many of the passengers noticed them intensely praying and saying things like “Allah Akbar” – a common phrase yelled just before igniting one’s self into a fireball and taking out as many people as possible.

In any cases, these folks sued and I am not quite sure what happened with the lawsuit. Our government has been encouraging us for years now to report suspicious activities. Some of those reports have led to terrorist arrests and potential plots being stopped in their tracks.

Now, though, the democrats are making an effort to block a bill which would prevent Joe Citizen from being sued simple because he did his duty.

I often times don’t understand politics, but it certainly seems to me that the radical left is often at odds with common sense and their own goals.

USB Fan Kicks Ass and Takes Names!

I am in another hotel that has one of the A.C. units that shuts off when it get to the right temperature. That’s fine, except that I like moving air when I sleep. I can put the unit on “fan only” but then it won’t keep the room cool. If I keep the room cool the unit shuts off at the desired temperature. It’s either that or get the room so cold that icicles form on unmentionable body parts. What to do?

BAM!!

Introducing the USB Fan on a flexible goose-neck. Bling! said I am “such a geek” for having this…..but it didn’t cost me hardly any money and guess what? It works like a champ.

Simply:
1) place laptop with USB connection on the nightstand beside the bed
2) Plug in the portable USB fan
3) Adjust the goose-neck so that the fan is blowing towards you

Problem solved!! Now I can enjoy cool, refreshing, circulating air without freezing to death!

I Must Be A Terrorist!

Yesterday when I went to check in for my flight I went to one of the little kiosks like I usually do. It told me that it was unable to process my itinerary and I had to see an agent. Fortunately, the line wasn’t that long. Unfortunately, there were three sloth’s working the counters and it took forever to get to an agent.

When I finally got there I was informed that I am on the “No Fly” list. This is all new to me. “How does one get on the no fly list?” I ask. “We don’t know and we can’t tell you.”

“Does that mean I can’t fly?”
“No, it just means you have to always see an agent and we have to check you out.”

Now as many of you are aware, I travel a lot. Maybe not as much as some people, but definitely more than most. It’s usually not too bad to go up to a kiosk, check in and dump your bags before heading off to security. In some cases, I don’t even check a bag to make the process even that much faster.

But NOW I have to go see an agent. This means I have to allocate a substantial amount of time to do this. There are some flights I would not have made if I had to stand in that stupid line.

How do I get off the list? I can fill out a request with the TSA and submit some “paperwork” and then they will process it in some unknown amount of time. However, right now I can’t even fill that out online because the web site is hosed. That means I have to mail everything and that will have to wait until I am back home.

Big pain in the ass!!! Considering I fly about 60+ thousand miles a year and take roughly four flights a month and have been for years I am surprised I am on the “no fly” list. I don’t have an uncommon name so perhaps they have me confused with another anglo-saxon male that also has a similar European / American name. Perhaps if I was of middle-eastern descent and had a name like Mohammed Salami Fuquad I’d be able to fly with less hassle.

What did YOU do this weekend?

I had a pretty good weekend, even though I didn’t get out and party my ass off Friday or Saturday night. Aside from some of my usual things I try to get done I:

Went to a nudist resort and attended a chili cook-off. Ever seen naked pool volleyball? “Hey man, just make sure it’s the hot dog on the grill, ok?”

Rode motorcycles to get there, and had a small accident on the way back (nobody was injured and there is just some minor cosmetic damage to both bikes).

Played racquetball for the first time since I injured my knee and ankle – about three years ago. It felt a lot better than I thought it would and I only felt my that my knee was unstable once. But today my butt and my legs are sore, which is to be expected.

Hung out at the pool with Weasel, his wife, and their kids. Played hard with the kids and had a great time. This put me in the sun for about the third or fourth straight day and I am just now showing signs of a slight burn. Don't forget your sunscreen kiddies!

Saw a major car accident that probably resulted in a death or two. This was fairly depressing and makes you appreciate how quickly it can all end.

Live Earth Flop?

Well I am sure it wasn't a flop. I'm sure those folks made plenty of money!!!!

I'm constantly amazed by how many people have no real clue about what is going on in the global warming debates and wars. Those people that just accept, as fact, that we are destroying our planet and it's OUR fault.

Let's get something straight - the earth existed for a loooooong, long, long, time before "man" ever came along. If we had a nuclear holocaust and destroyed every living thing on the planet (with the exception of some very hardy insects), the earth would survive and thrive millions of years later - just without man. So, even if we were as bad as the alarmists say we are the only thing we are truly hurting is ourselves.

So my friend, Phil, forwarded me this link to the Live Earth thingie and there is a voting poll on the right of the web page. Here are the results, which I found to be quite humorous:

http://www.liveearth.msn.com/green/bestofgreen

Which of the following best characterizes your feelings about the Live Earth event?

It was an awesome, inspiring display of unity by some of the world’s top artists
19%
It was a great weekend of music by an all-star lineup
8%
It was a self-serving publicity stunt for climate alarmists and their entertainment industry friends
56%
I didn’t follow the event
17%

Faster Than Dark!

OK, so I had at one time posted that I wanted to go faster than the speed of light. Now I want to go faster than the speed of dark!!!!

Just when I thought it was safe Suzuki released the mostly new (redesigned) GSXR1300, also known as the Hyabusa II ('Busa II for short).

Claimed output is over 190bhp at the rear WHEEL. One reporter said he saw three digits on the dyno at the testing facility and one of them started with a "2"!!! If it's anything like the first 'Busa it will be a serious bike!!!!

Now, though, the problem is that I was really eye-balling the new Kawasaki Concourse. It's $14k and not sticking on the dealer showroom floors, but I haven't seen any reviews of it as of yet. One local dealer said I could have their third or fourth one coming in if I wanted to drop $500 bills.

So now the question is - 'Busa or Concourse? What's that you say? Buy them both?

Cute Little Bastard!

Things Never Change

Today I was driving around running a few errands and for whatever reason decided to throw in my Stormtroopers of Death CD - Speak English or Die

SOD was one of the early thrash bands that bordered on punk and death metal. Mostly made up of Anthrax members, they wrote and recorded the album in about 3 days. I'm not sure, but it's even my earliest recollection of a type of music called "grind" which later matured to be even heavier.

You can't take SOD seriously, but I found it ironic that some of the lyrics from their classic hits are still relevant today almost 20 years later (album was released in 1987). I thought I'd share some of these melodies with you, gentle reader, to show you what I mean:

Speak English or Die

You come into this country

You can't get better jobs

Boats and boats and boats of you

Go home you fucking slobs

Selling hot dogs on the corner

Selling papers in the street

Where you come from must be beat

Chorus:

You always make us wait

You are the ones we hate

You can't communicate

Speak English or die

You don't know what I want

You don't know what I need

Why must I repeat myself

Can't you fucking read?

Nice fucking accents

why can't you speak like me?

What's that dot on your head,

Do you need it to see?

And, 20 years earlier this throwback to a more civilized time:

Fuck The Middle East

Fuck the middle east

There's too many problems

They just get in the way

We sure could live without them

They hijack our planes

They raise our oil prices

We'll kill 'em all and have a ball

And end their fucking crisis.

Beirut, Lebanon - won't exist once we're done

Libya, Iran - we'll flush the bastards down the can

Syrian and Shites - Crush their faces with our might

Then Israel and Egypt can live in peace without these dicks!

And of course, with global warming:

No Turning Back

The atmosphere is breaking up

Sunlight starts to burn my skin

Loosing weight, but I swell

Wish I'd die and leave this hell

Cannot stop no turning back

Rays that burn my front and back

Our solar death that we deserve

For being ignorant with our world.

Chorus:

We will die, we will fry

We never learn, so now we burn!

The time has come to start again

But first we all must see the end

By hand of God or man

To oblivion we descent

I think that this is understood

Wouldn't stop it if I could

Time for the human race to die

And give our world a chance to thrive!

The Long Life Triangle

Weasel Gets Married!

¼ bottle of Jack Daniels
½ bottle of Jagermeister
½ bottle of Rumple Minz
320 Miles
15 hours
A box and a half of shotgun shells
One pack of beef jerky
Two Wedding Rings
A small Church
A minister
…And Ron is now married!

Crazy Schedules!

I am at another airport waiting to fly home. When I get to the house, I am going to dump the clothes out of my suitcase. I am then going to re-pack it, shave my head down, take a shower, and hit the road to drive to OK. One of my very good friends is getting married. Then Sunday, I’ll attend the wedding, drive back home only to get ready to leave out of town again to head to PA. At least I’ll have a few days at home!

More Bad Politics

Thanks to my friend Bling! for forwarding this link. It is a brief article that clearly implies there is coercion from the Bush administration in an effort to manipulate policy and politics.

I’ve long thought that to some degree our existing system is always going to encourage this type of behavior. I’m certainly not saying that I excuse it, though. Ultimately, Bush is responsible for the member of his administration and this type of manipulation is very disappointing.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/11/washington/11surgeon.html?ei=5065&en=79030f4eb1e8f7e1&ex=1184817600&adxnnl=1&partner=MYWAY&adxnnlx=1184159559-/NYm79y6BIFjCfEdvXhCOQ&pagewanted=print

More Thoughts on Illegal Aliens

My dad sent me a funny video in which Newt (CHECK NAME) makes some amusing analogies between countries that work, and countries that don’t work.

In his examples a country that works is one in which we can track millions of packages, in real-time, from shipping companies such as FedEx and UPS. A country that doesn’t work is one in which we can’t track down illegal aliens.

While I found this amusing, as it was supposed to be, I also found it to be inaccurate with respect to the root of the problem. Perhaps the rest of the video covers this, but what was available did not.

The problem is not finding illegal aliens. If you live in Texas, New Mexico, or California they are not hard to find unless you are deaf and blind.

In my opinion there are multiple problems, the least of which is finding them. I think the biggest problems is primarily due to not enforcing our existing immigration laws or levying heavy penalties against those that aid-and-abet felons (illegal aliens). This would be those people that knowingly hire them or provide them with housing, food, clothing, etc.

The other large problem I see is all the state and local laws that are set up to protect illegal aliens. This kind of goes back to the first problem, but look at it from this perspective. There are several places that have simply chosen to not only ignore federal law, but have taken it upon themselves to enact laws that make it illegal to inquire about ones status in the U.S. That basically means that you can’t ask someone if they are here legally, nor can you do anything to them if you find out that they are here illegally.

Our constitution is setup in a way that makes it illegal for police officers to “ask you for papers.” We don’t want to be a police state. But there has to be some middle ground. It is not illegal, for example, for an officer to ask you for identification. However, not having identification is not against the law. Yet, it’s clearly obvious that there are millions of illegal aliens in the U.S.

But to me, the root of the problem is not protecting our borders and controlling the influx of people into the country in the first place. Do that, and it makes it much easier to enforce the existing laws.

Recently the amnesty bill was resurrected and defeated TWICE in a very short time span. For once, all the PACs, lawyers, Mexican mafia, etc. didn’t get their way. For once, the system worked, but it was close. I wouldn’t say that I have renewed faith in the system, but at least it is a ray of sunshine.

My friend works for a guy that hires illegal aliens. He “skirts” the law, and is now under investigation, because they provide him with papers. While I don’t disagree that you shouldn’t prosecute someone that was provided papers it is clearly obvious that these are illegal aliens. This guy, however, wants them here because it costs him less money to hire illegal aliens than American citizens. I disagree with this as a free-market society can exist and work with legal immigrants and could still help bring labor rates down. In my opinion, this guy deserves to go to jail and lose everything he’s got. This same person complains about taxes being raised and his struggle to get ahead in life. Yet, he can’t see he is part of the very problem he is complaining about.

Happy 231st Birthday!

Our country celebrating yet another birthday!! A big THANK YOU to all the men and women that made it possible for us to have our independence throughout the years!

It was a fairly chill day for me as there just wasn’t a whole lot going on. I think the constant rain was ruining a lot of people’s plans. I went and grilled out with some friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it was really good to see them.

Of course, the rain set in and brought the humidity up to a bazillion percent even though it never got very hot. I haven’t checked the “official” recordings, but I bet we’ve had one of the coolest June’s and early July’s on record – not to mention the wettest.

Later in the evening Ron (a.k.a. Weasel) came over with his fiancé and we had a good time going over photographs and catching up on things. Ron had a fight with one of his daughters and he got agitated. So what better way to relieve some aggression than with fireworks on the 4th of July?

My fireworks were pretty old and dry. We had a lot of duds, and a lot of quick fuses. In some cases we “modified” them to make our own demonstrations. Note: this is not exactly the most intelligent thing to do and I don’t recommend it to people.

Here is a pic of Ron trying to light one of our creations and get away. The good news is that it was a dud and never fired. All in all it was pretty relaxed and since we had so much rain nobody was worried about catching stuff on fire. And remember kiddies - Always wear your safety glasses!!

Not Much Going On Except the Rain

It's still raining here in Texas. I'd have to go back and really check, but it seems like with little exception that it's rained every single day for about the last two or three months. All of our lakes are flooded out and well over their full marks. Some of them are over the spillways while others are being drained via open floodgates so that the dams don't burst.

The Brazos river looked like it was up about 20+ FEET when I drove by it the other day and my roof has developed a small leak, which I can't fix because it won't stop raining. I can't mow the yard without leaving tracks, but at least my sprinklers have been off for a long, long, time.

Other than that, there really hasn't been too much going on. I took the boat back out to the lake recently and suffered a blow out on the trailer - that was a two hour period of introspective reflection while stuck on the side of I-20 in the middle of nowhere.

I've determined that the toys I want are just too expensive. Used Vette's are still going for $30+ thousand, as well as the used ski-boats I'd like to have at $40 and $50+ thousand. USED!!! Who can afford to buy them new?

My 'Priller battery died and cut short my only window of opportunity to ride in the last few weeks, but at least I got a few miles in.

The 4th Of July is coming up and I just don't have any plans. Not sure that I care to have any plans. I used to love to celebrate the 4th on the lake, but now.... it's just not the same.

The Amnesty bill was once again defeated for those of you not keeping track, but it still seems that our government is failing us, but I did manage to pick up a set of ratcheting wrenches at 50+ percent off from sears!