Are You Ready for the Zombie Apocalypse?

Earlier this year some friends and I were driving through the canyon on MT 191 to head up to Big Sky. My g/f was sacked out in the front seat as we had to get up super early to make our flights and we’d already been traveling all day.

While winding through the canyon I made a comment about if something ever happened and things went south really fast Montana is one of the places I’d probably head to. This led one of my friends and I into a conversation about shooting and hunting. I was surprised to learn that he knew how to hunt and skin a deer – I just didn’t picture him as someone that would have ever done that.

I figured MT is a good place to go because there aren’t that many people, you can hide out in the woods, there is plenty to hunt, and while it’s cold this can actually be an advantage. Think about it. Have you ever seen a zombie movie in a really cold place? I think it’s because zombies don’t like cold weather. Besides, with the reduced population in MT you wouldn’t have to take as many of them out as you would in some heavily populated area, like L.A.

Naturally you need to have some weapons. This is a picture of one of my friend’s weapons cache (or as he says a picture of part of his weapons cache):


Note the two shotguns – everyone knows these are good for killing zombies, but there is also a carbine, a sniper rifle, and various other knives, swords, etc. All good for hunting and killing your food, zombies, or disillusioned people.

I’m covered on shotguns, rifles, and pistols, but I apparently lack a plethora of swords and knives. I always figure that they shouldn’t ever get that close anyway.

But another friend of mine had a different strategy. His strategy is to hijack a semi full of Hostes Twinkies and live off of that for the rest of his life. I asked him how he would defend his Twinkies and while I was never sure, it seemed that he was either going to hide them, or use a gun. I’m not sure this is the greatest strategy for survival, but it’s interesting. I later found out that the shelf life of a Twinkie is really only a few days (25 seems to be max) and that this wouldn’t work at all.

Where Have All my Friends Gone?

I guess it’s inevitable that as we grow older and become more involved with our own lives, family and careers that we tend to distance ourselves from those not immediately involved within the nucleus of those pursuits.

I don’t drink much anymore so on the weekend I try to go out and treat myself to a few beers and some bad food. Actually, I like good food, but it may not be good for me. Last night I went up to have a little Mexican food and a beer or two. I was sitting there by myself and thought that while I am used to this due to all of my traveling why am I sitting here by myself when I am home? Where have all my friends gone?

Now, I have friend and acquaintances all over the country. I obviously can’t go hang out with them unless one of us is willing to hop a plane and spend some scratch traveling. That isn’t going to happen on short notice, and certainly not just to go have a beer or two on Friday night.

So what about the others?

One of my friends and I get together for lunch about once a month. He’s married, has kids, and runs his own business. That pretty much means he’s off the grid and can’t just go hang out.

Another friend of mine has recently gone off the deep end. He thinks I am sleeping with his wife and am conspiring with her to hack his computers, have him followed, and am otherwise generally out to get him. You can imagine that he probably doesn’t want to go hang out and have a beer with me.

Another guy I know has moved further away, bought a house, gotten married, and started a good career for himself. He also has to work odd and mostly late hours, so he’s pretty much unavailable for a weekend beer and due to the distance it makes it even harder to get together.

One of my former drinking buddies is so pussy whipped and entangled in a bad and abusive marriage that his wife won’t let him out of her site long enough to go have a beer anywhere. She and I don’t get along so I pretty much don’t see him anymore.

One of my friends and his wife have gotten really busy with their careers and with other extracurricular activities that take up a lot of their time. Also, due to their hobby I suspect that they are more likely to focus on hanging out with folks that are into the same hobby, which I am not. I am not upset by this, but I do miss seeing them.

Another friend and his wife don’t go out on the weekends, but we do manage to get together on most Thursdays for dinner. I do enjoy that when I can make it, but we can’t always put it together. Of course, I don’t drink during the week so…..

Then there is a guy that is married, has kids, etc. As with most people that have a family he just can’t get together that often. He also moved a little further away and we just haven’t been speaking as much.

I have a friend that lives fairly far away and has a pretty hectic schedule. It’s very difficult to get his time for anything. We’ve been trying to get together with his wife and my g/f for months. Hasn’t happened.

And my g/f lives about 40 miles away. This has its advantages and disadvantages. When you want to hang out and have a beer or get a bite to eat it’s a disadvantage, especially when either of you have worked all day or you are tired. The last thing you want to do is kill yourself driving a couple of hours in traffic. I usually see her on the weekend, but that doesn’t mean that we spend all of our time together.

As for the others? There are people whom I would go have a beer with, and I would consider friends, but it’s not like we would normally hang out all the time anyway.

So, I enjoyed my two beers and my paella by myself while watching the usual bar-scene folks.