I’m Fweeezin’!!!!

I used to hear that a lot…. Not anymore, but now it was my turn. My friend let me borrow his Aprilia Mile’ and his wife and I took off riding around the valley. My original write up was going to focus on how I got a bit chilly going up Pipestone pass into Butte….but then things change. They always do.

Sunday was pretty windy out, and it was cool but by no means cold. My Amy had asked me if I was interested in riding, and frankly I needed it. Too much mental stress and turmoil. It would be good to not think about it for a bit. So I met up with her and we went to go get the Aprilia out of storage. Since Robert (Amy’s husband) wasn’t there I scammed his Alpine Star perforated leather jacket, some summer gloves, and a helmet. For those who don’t ride or can’t figure out what perforate means the jacket has HOLES in it. A lot of little ones to let the wind through so you don’t overheat while riding in warm weather.

Since it was just a tad cool I went ahead and put on a long sleeve shirt with a mock-turtleneck to it and a longer pair of socks (the wind blowing up the pants leg can make you cold).

We took off and the “adventure” started. The first thing was that we couldn’t find anyplace to get air in the tires and they definitely needed it. When we did find some air it was one of those stupid machines that you have to keep hitting the start button every 10lbs of air….grrrr……

But that was well and good and we got on the road. I let Amy lead so I could explore some roads I didn’t know and I didn’t have to concentrate as much. The wind was really whipping up in some spots and so we slowed the pace down….a tad.

When we came through one of the canyons it was absolutely spectacular! There were sheer rock walls RIGHT on the road, with a river on the other side looking into canyon walls that were laced with bright green trees. The river brush was a bright golden color and some of the trees lining the river were a nice orange and burnt-red color. It was beautiful. If I had a camera and could have pulled over I would have gotten some pics, but as it was there wasn’t any place to do so.

We made a decision to head over the Pipestone pass into Butte. I’d driven it before, but never ridden it on a bike. It was 30 miles out and we knew it would be cooler but I was pretty sure I wouldn’t freeze to death before we got through it. As we got close and the elevation started to rise it got substantially cooler and the signs warning of ice in the corners were out. Great.
As it turns out there was snow all over the sides of the pass, but the roads were clear and mostly dry so traction was not a problem. We weren’t crazy, but we probably sustained about 90mph through there when semis do about 15~20 and cars usually hang around 60~80. It was a nice clip and I was pretty cold by the time we got to the other side.
We stopped in Butte, had some hot chocolate to warm back up and turned around. Back up through the pass and into the valley the sun was starting to set and you could tell the air was getting cooler. At this point I was just starting to feel a tad uncomfortable but it wasn’t that bad.

Then….it hit us. A wall of freezing cold air. There is no other way to describe it. We were out in the middle of nowhere whipping through another small pass at about 90mph when we found the cold front that was moving in. Now, I’m sure everyone has felt the temperature drop suddenly….over a matter of minutes, etc. But, if you can imagine opening up a door into a big industrial freezer and riding into it at about 90mph that is what it was like. The temps easily dropped 20+ degrees in under 5 seconds. (I found out later it was closer to 30+ degrees). And the wind picked up….

So, I’m on a bike….in summer gear, out in the middle of nowhere, and Frosty the Snowman is having a field day with us on the bikes. Remember the perforated jacket and the little holes? Yeah, well having an 80+mph 30-degree wind blowing on you is not a good thing. We were literally freezing….but there wasn’t anywhere to pull off. We had to at least make it to US287 and I-90 (yeah, for you folks back home….it’s the SAME US287).

We made it, but had to pull of once to warm up hands on the engine blocks of the bike. By the time we got to the gas station we were both shivering pretty good and while I didn’t know it, we both had the same thought – Can I get my legs to work good enough to stand the bike up when I come to a stop. I was already practicing flexing my fingers just to work the clutch and brake levers. We were dangerously cold…..this was not good.

We hang out in the gas station for a bit to warm up and as it turns out my riding partner had now lost her wallet…. Uh oh! Things are just getting better! I bought a pair of glove warmers for her and we climbed back on the bikes. It was so cold out I was literally shivering before getting out of the parking lot. What had turned out to be a really nice ride was now miserable…..but we had to get back.

So off we go….freezing, shivering, and I’m trying to tuck in as best I can behind the windscreen to keep the wind off of me as much as possible. 20 more miles….we can make it. Of course, the cross-winds picked up even further and we were both leaning the bikes at about 5 degree angles just to stay in our own lane. Lane change? No problem just stand the bike up for a split second and it would easily push you over about 10 feet.

But then….we got behind the line and it started to get warmer. Now I am not talking warm as in tropical islands with hot chicks in bikinis warm. Not even butter and toast warm. But warm about how that pizza is when you pull it out of the refrigerator warm. Trust me, it was an improvement. When we finally pulled off the highway I said “I’m either so numb I can’t feel it any more or it actually got warmer.”

But we were off the highway and heading back towards the storage shed. We turn off of a main street onto a side street in an industrial park. Amy is still leading and flips her high-beams on. Wanting to help out I do the same thing. Little did I know that our trip was not over, yet, and the fates decided to blow a fuse on the bike and black out all the lights. So now I can’t see….. it’s pitch black, and I’m on a black motorcycle on an unlit street….. and I’m still freezing. If it had been in traffic, or we’d have been on the highway I would have been done…..but as it was we got the bikes back to the shed.

To top it all off? We couldn’t find the key to lock the shed up when we were trying to leave and spent about 10 minutes looking for it before we finally found it. Some friends of ours were having dinner nearby so we stopped in, made a jack and coke and started to try to warm up. I swear it took me about 2 hours before I finally felt warm again.

Lest you think that this all sucks….. most of it did. But don’t forget that part of riding is the experience. ALL of it. Not just the good. And now I have another experience to add to my canvas…. Would I do it again? Not willingly… but I am happy to have had the experience and a good ride with a friend.

PS – as a quick update, it did snow that night. A little while after we got off the bikes it dumped about 4 inches of snow. The temps kept dropping and when I went home last night it was a whopping 4 degrees outside according to the car. Brrrr….

I’m fweezin’!

The Devil Wears Ferret Costumes….

Or was it Prada? I forget….But the results are IN! I’ve got eight responses to the Purity Test. I was hoping for more, but you take what you can get, eh? What is the Purity Test? It’s a test to score and scale how “pure” you are compared to other normal (or not so normal) people.

Now I am not going to lie here. I’ve had a lot of “fun” in my life and probably tried and done a few things I shouldn’t have. I guess that is completely open to debate and how much of a moralistic snob you are. But, some of the results surprised me. Not so much that I didn’t realize that there were some sick fucks out there, but in my opinion most of the people scored fairly average. At least the average people and the sick fucks are my friends. It makes life interesting.
So this test is 500 questions and it starts off pretty simple….like “have you ever held hands?” From there it’s pretty much downhill as you could probably imagine. So while some of us scored higher on the scale than others, it definitely left some of us wondering “how could someone score so low?” Most of us feigned to say “live and let live” lest we have to imagine our friends with a farm animal, engaged in a homosexual act, or practicing necrophilia (maybe it was a dead, gay, sheep?).

And, I can just see my dad rolling his eyes going “ummm….ok.” He’s a bit conservative, but I love him anyway.

Want to take the test yourself?? http://www.puritytest.net/

Religion Costs a Buck-O-Five....

So I am sitting at the bar reading the paper last night. It was a long day and I wasn't in a particularly good mood. There was an editorial commentary examining if we should be taxing NCAA sports. If you aren't aware, they are currently tax exempt due to the institution being a school. However, the article made some very good points about the colleges making "big money" off of the sporting events like their football programs.

I find all of this to be a good and healthy debate. But....I think if people really want to recover monies that are "lost" to non-profit institutions then they need to look at Churches. First off, the separation of church and state is not a literal separation and people need to realize that is an unrealistic expectation. The separation of church and state was to prevent the influence of politics via voting and other channels from non-profit organizations. The reality is that it happens anyway and nobody does a damned thing about it.

So if we push that aside let's examine a few things. You earn you money and then if you are a good Christian you give 10% of your gross (not the net, the GROSS) to the church every year. This doesn't take into consideration any other donations that you make. If I remember correctly that is tax-free. The church also gets it from you, again, tax-free. So now we have a funnel of money going into the church that the government doesn't get anything out of.

Now the church is also allowed to act like any other corporation in that it can buy and sell goods, trade stocks, broker real estate, etc. And....of course.....tax free. Did you know that the single largest wealthiest entity in the world is the Roman Catholic church?? Yet, we get no tax benefit from them.

Churches may claim non-profit, but the reality is that they utilize our civil resources just like any other organization and they rake in BILLIONS of dollars. Yet, nobody would consider taxing the church, would they? Nobody that wants to get re-elected anyway....

Halloween is Upon Us....

Apparently people have an easier time picking out costumes for their ferrets than I have picking one out for me. It's just hard for me to get into the season anymore. I used to enjoy Halloween. Getting dressed up and playing make believe like a big kid is generally fun. Now it's a chore.

For personal reasons, I'm just not into the spirit of things so it's difficult to be creative. Then there is the whole issue of having all my stuff in TX. Back home I could whip out a costume fairly easily. Here, in MT, I have to figure it all out and then figure out how to put it together and even where to buy it at..... only so that it will probably never make it back to TX to be worn again. And let's face it, I'm a cheap bastard so that doesn't work very well for me from a financial perspective.

But, thankfully, I do have friends that want me to come to their parties. The only caveat, of course, is that I have to be in costume. I've asked friends for some help on this one and I have gotten all kinds of responses. Just go as yourself..... and then say you are a serial killer (the problem with that one is that I might just freak out on everyone.... you can never tell with us quiet types). One person suggested going as someone that is tired. WTF?

I'd like to do my Big Lebowski one again as there several people here that would get it... but again, all my stuff is in TX. What to do? I have a couple of ideas that I might be able to get away with at a cheap cost. We'll see....

Until then, I'll just get a laugh out of these ferrets. No, I don't really have an obsession with them, but you have to admit it's pretty damned funny in it's own twisted, warped, way.....

Are You an Imbecile?

Above is a map of IQ averages by state. Steve Sailor has an interesting article on it. I must be a near moron according to this chart.

More Political Fallout

I think my father said it far more eloquently than I could on his blog, Political Angst in America. Both sides of the political machine are gearing up and starting to sling mud. I don’t think it helps the issues and the people, I think it hurts them. For once, during my life, I’d like to vote for a president that I truly believe in rather than the lesser of two evils.

But here are a few links I’ve received in my mail over the last week.
This first one is something that most of us have known about for a while, but have probably turned a blind eye to. I seem to hear more about this from college campuses and to some extent I am far more lenient of this type of behavior in those situations. I figure you don’t have to pay the college to go there and deal with this. But in a public school I feel this is completely inappropriate no matter which side you follow. I feel that public school teachers have an obligation to teach children facts, and offer them guidance based upon those facts. I do not feel the public school system should be a delivery platform for you political agenda.

High School Student and Bush Bashing.

The next link is an article from Ann Coulter. If you are a liberal democrat you probably won’t want to read it. It isn’t very kind to liberals and doesn’t allow one to confuse emotions with facts. What I don’t understand is why liberals are so eager to allow the terrorists to have a fair shot at killing more people. Can someone answer me that question? I think socialist liberals forget that terrorists are not going to be part of their socialist system.

OJ Trials for Terrorists.

Real Estate Falling

I haven’t researched the national market, but I am hearing that in “hot” places like Bozeman that there is a substantial fall-off happening. I first noticed it when I heard of two investors and builders that were unloading. Then I got wind of another guy dumping his property for “under market value.” Gee….do you think it might have been over-inflated to start with?

Yesterday my roommate, some of his friends and I checked out a house around the corner. I think his friend is going to buy it. It’s a very modern and interesting house, but like most houses around here they did some thing architecturally that I don’t care for. But, get this….they wanted $489,000 for the house and they are going to “let it go” for $412,000. A $77k difference? That’s not good negotiation. That’s the market starting to puke. But let’s see what happens come February. This is traditionally a bad time of the year for sellers so it may not be surprising, but that’s a significant difference in “adjustment.”

Ever Eat A Burnt Weenie Sandwich?

I said I was going to try harder to post up on here, but as per usual work got in the way. It’s not always a time issue so much as a timing issue. Sometimes, when I am done with work the last thing I wan to do is be on the computer writing and /or trying to be creative. I’m mentally spent at that point and just want to veg out and do something that does not tax me mentally.

The last week hasn’t been particularly stressful at work and that is good. We’ve been getting some good snow showers and the mountains are starting to fill in nicely. I’m looking forward to boarding once again. I even rented a very cool snowboard film called First Descent that is about the history of the sport and also about hitting some extreme runs up in Alaska that may have never been touched before.

I even presented a potential vacation schedule for the upcoming holidays that I may get. My boss said he would see what he could do, but they aren’t going to like it. I usually don’t take issue with my boss too often, it’s everyone else….and I realize that most of what he gives me is coming from up above.

I have had some very interesting social conversations in the last couple of weeks. One of them included a girl at the bar who said she’d rather be bent up like a pretzel into a vertical 69 position, but that she wouldn’t have sex with guys. I guess, like Bill Clinton, it depends on where you draw the line.

My friend threw a nice party for everyone last night. The premise of which was to wear some cool slippers, have some cocktails, and play a game or two. Well some of us wore slippers, everyone had cocktails, and no games were ever played. Unless you count some of the mental sparring that went back and forth.

I was told during the course of the evening that I didn’t like women. Let me make it clear, I love women. Like most men, though, I just don’t always understand them. I’m not willing to play games and I expect people to say what they mean. The anger that one might get from me has a lot more to do with being jealous of the guys that treat women like shit and have them, and the guys that treat women good but don’t. Why do women do this and then complain about it?

Damned Blogspot Site!

Well here I am trying to update my blog site and the freaking page won’t load. This seems to happen frequently when either trying to do an update or just to read some other people’s blogs.

I’ve also noticed it has a lot of problems with pictures. Even ones that I link to as opposed to uploading. I try not to upload any pictures anymore.

Maybe the new beta site will be better. I’ll have to migrate my site and try it.

Foamy Nails It....

So I was checking on the latest Foamy rant and he opens it up by saying "I'll date anyone that isn't any idiot. Hence, why I'm still single." I can't help it, but it reminds me of myself. I'm sure I am winnig points, now, so I'll just go crawl under this rock.

Check out the latest Foamy....once you go black, you never go back!
http://www.illwillpress.com/

Why I Hate Football.....

Like most American males, I played football growing up as a kid. All kinds of football. Touch, tackle, smear-the-queer, etc. I wasn't very big as a kid and that kept off a lot of teams, but I was fast, could hit hard and was able to anticipate plays.

I played all kinds of sports when I was young, but I never could get into watching them very much. I don't know why, it's just the way I am. Rather than sit on my ass and watch sports I'd rather be out playing them or getting into some kind of adventure or trouble.

But then I found hockey..... or rather my friends turned me on to it. It took a long time to get inot it because it has a fairly complicated set of rules. So it took a couple of seasons before I understood it enough to appreciate it.

Then I was hooked.... no other sport on TV compared:
Golf? Forget it.....waaaaaay too boring and slow.
Baseball? Are you high? Baseball is so boring they have to count errors.
Basketball? No thanks.
Football? Major boring shit. One play, for five seconds and then you have to watch the same play over and over again from 12 angles. No wonder it takes 5 hours to play a 1 hour game.

But for me, Hockey has it. Constant action with little interruption (in most cases), guys knocking the crap out of each other, you have to be in excellent shape, it moves fast, and all for the glory of trying to get a puck in the net. And of course, let's not forget the fights.

But there is more to it than that....and I STILL can't bring myself to sit and watch every game. If I am home and there isn't anything else going on I'll watch a game. I might go check out some choice games with some friends from time to time, but I love going to the games!!

Sorry....I digress. I'm supposed to be telling you why I hate football, right? I live in Texas. Football dominates everything in Texas. And I live in the DFW area. So you can imagine we are overrun with the drug-addicted, gun-toting, whoring thugs called the Dallas Cowboys. EVERYTHING is Dallas Cowboys. Everywhere you go, everything you see, etc. Even in the off season when the Dallas Stars are going for the Stanley Cup we get 20 minutes of sports on the latest arrests of the Cowboys, how Dion Sanders hurt his poor wittle turf toe and a brief 10-second spot on how the Stars moved into the semi-finals. WTF?

But it gets worse....there is college football AND pro football all playing at the same time. And then there is baseball and basketball and everything else. You know what ranks at the very bottom in the sports bars??? That's right, hockey. I can get to a bar, get there early and they will turn OFF a hockey game to put on a fucking football game. It pisses me off.

I was in a bar the other night and suffering through the smoke and everything else. They had about a billion TVs and nobody was watching anything. So I get there early and they put the game on for me and I order a couple of beers. Right about the start of the 2nd period the Denver football game comes on. No big deal, right? They turn three of the TVs around me on the game for the grand total of six people watching. That's cool. Then they crank up the volume on ALL the TVs. I can still hear the TV I watching, but just barely. Then the waitress MUTES my TV. I asked her what she was doing and she tells me that football takes precedence over hockey and that is just the way it is around there. It's a good thing she wasn't MY waitress.

But that's the norm. It happens all the time. I was in a bar once with a bunch of friends watching a game. There were a billion TV's and they turned every last one of them onto the college football game for two OUT-OF-STATE teams. Not even teams from Texas. I complained and was told that this is what everyone wanted to watch. Really? What about our table of 10 that had been there for the last 2 hours running up a bar-tab? So how about I give you the finger and.... No problem, we walked and I never went back.

So the next time you talk to me and I tell you that I hate football or hate the Cowgirls, don't take it personally. I just want to watch hockey...

A Quick JP Update.....

I finally got a chance to talk to the man himself. Most of what I had on here before is accurate. He was doing high-altitude jumps and had left the plane OK. Popped his chute and setup for the landing when he passed out. He came conscious right before impact and so he flared a little bit (put on the brakes) but was also ligned up with an irrigation pump.

He shattered his hips, but broke no other bones. He had some use of his legs when he left one hospital, but later became paralyzed from the waist down. They do not know why he is paralyzed. He told me he barely moved a toe or part of his foot last night, but that it was practically imperceptible. He was also in a coma for over a month.

In speaking with him on the phone I got the impression that he was staying positive. he's looking forward to potentially walking again. He also said he would be getting back in the swing of things as he goes through rehab. He may never walk again, but it didn't sound like that was going to keep him from hitting the slopes, biking, and doing the other things he loves to do.

I did notice, though, that he didn't quite sound like JP. A little bit of slurred speech and he didn't quite have his sense of humor. Like he was slightly different. My guess is that it was either from the coma and some minor brain damage, or that he was on some meds. He did tell me he felt tired today, but that could be because he had recently went out to the movies and gotten a bite to eat the day before.

I hope he does well. He is coming back to Bozeman, but it may be a while. Good luck to you, JP. If you want to get in touch with him, let me know and I'll get you some contact information. I don't want to post it here.

Sooo Sorry.....

Sorry that I haven't posted much lately. I went home for a week and was trying to get a lot of things done. I got some of them done, but not as much as I wanted to. The weather was nice and I took my 'Priller out just about every chance I got. I also played golf with my dad (didn't do very well), saw my family and friends, and even managed to get a game of foosball in.

I didn't have any drunk-fest parties with the hot tub, chicks and staying out all night until the sun was coming up. That's probably a good thing. I didn't get my company setup the way I wanted to, but I did find out a lot of information about doing it. I also still managed to turn work down a few times and yet somehow work way too much.

I find that more and more I am getting tired of being away from home and on the road. I'm way too burned out with work and the company having a lack of direction for me.

So I left the great state of Texas for Phoenix to teach a class at AMEX. I'm not real impressed with Phoenix. It's OK, not bad, but not anything to get a woody over, either. It's a big city....in the desert....with sand and stuff.....and nothing else to do. But teaching went well and I guess I can't complain about that.

I got back into Bozeman and have been trying to get caught up on emails and stuff like that. It was disappointing to get ahold of a paper and start reading through it....both political machines are gearing up and it just makes me sick. No wonder nobody wants to go vote anymore.

But the police report was kind of funny....

a guy took a poo on someone's car
a patrol officer had to get some sheep off the road

and that was about it. Another rough night in Bozeman, MT.

I'll try to post more later. It's amazing how many things I want to write about when I am away from the computer and then when I sit down I just can't motivate myself or my mind goes blank.

A Theoretical Situation....

So I was engaged in an intense conversation at the bar the other night and we did some basic polling, but I thought I would ask you, dear reader, to give me your opinion on a particular subject.

So let's say that there are two guys hanging out in an apartment. They are just chillin' and not much is going on. So one of 'em breaks out a bong and decides to light up. "uh...hey dood, you mind if I get high?" "not at all" replies the second one.

So the guy sparks up his bowl and proceedes to take a hit. Then he offers the bong to his buddy. The other guy says "uh... you know man, I'd like a hit but it's really better if you blow it into my mouth instead."

So the first guy says "what?"

and the second guy says "yeah, and not from a distance either. Can you lock lips with mine and blow it in?"

and so the first guy is now bombed out of his mind so he says "sure."

The two guys lock lips and the first guy blows the smoke into the other guy's mouth.

Would you not consider this to be gay?

Is that gay?

Absolutely!Of course not! Quit being homophobic!It's not gay, it's bi!It's not gay or bi. I do it all the time.

Free polls from Pollhost.com

And secondly....if it was a guy and a chick, would that not be an excuse to make out?

OK, Who brought the cat?

I'm fairly sure that is a photoshop picture, but it's kind of amusing and leads me into a joke. I read this the other day, and it's quickly become one of my favorites.

A teacher is explaining biology to her students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary", said the teacher."It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say 'Fuck!' the rottweiler ate him!"

Update on our Marines - The Pendleton 8!

A while back I wrote a quick summary of a group of marines that had been brought back to the U.S. and thrown in a prison for killing an insurgent in Iraq. They apparently did this without first getting permission even though they were being fired upon at the time.

The unit was from Camp Penleton. They are still in prison awaiting an Article 32 hearing (similar to a grand jury hearing). They have been denied council, food, water, sleep, and due process. In summary, they have been treated far worse than any of the prisoners that were hazed in the camps.

I finally got some more information, but most of it is easiest to read if you follow these links. PLEASE take some time to read this and get the word out. The press is either not talking about it, or revealing only part of the story. It is a shame that we would treat our own countrymen in such a manner.

A general web site about the situation with updates and an option to donate for the defense fund (remember they have been denied JAG council up to this point).
http://www.marinedefensefund.com

Another blog site about one of the marines being held and the situation at hand:
http://friendsofjerry.blogspot.com

Here is a site about Congressman John Murtha. Apparently he's one of the congressmen that not only is against the war, but has the balls to dissrepect our men and women fighting in the Iraq war. Seems a lot of people want to see the truth about him come to light and get him out of office.
http://www.bootmurtha.com

Stop Bullshitting Everyone!

That includes yourself. This political correct stuff is way freaking out of hand. I almost got bent out of shape the other day over this type of thing. People are too sensitive to be told the truth and take responsibility for their own actions.

Muslims are peaceful, loving, people that just want to conquer the world and kill anyone that isn't a Muslim. They will leave us alone if we just leave them alone. They are repressed by society. I guess you might say they are political, socially, and religiously challenged. What a bunch of crap. How is it that the U.N., which supposedly upholds freedom of speech very highly allows these folks to say that if you insult Islam then there will be dire consequences. Yet, Bush is the anti-christ that is trying to take over the entire world. Do they supply unlimited crack at the U.N. meetings or is it just me that thinks this is wrong. When was the last time some U.N. folks got fed up with this shit and walked out? Why is the U.S. continuing to tolerate the leftist, liberal bullshit being fed to everyone and allowing these other countries and factions to walk all over us. What kind of pussies have we turned into?

Secondly.... let's call a spade a spade. I don't agree with calling black people niggers, though I do think that there are niggers. Just like there is trailer trash and crackers along with other white people.

I can even understand that some people are offended by the word "negro." But seriously, African-American is a bunch of shit. It's false and misleading. It also doesn't do anything to describe the color of someone's skin. Here is an example:

African American - Charlize Theron

She has it right by calling herself that because she IS from Africa. She was born there. Heck, I spent two weeks traipsing around Europe with one of the whitest African Americans you have ever seen.

Now, a picture of a BLACK guy

This guy could be from Africa. I don't know if he is or not. But he's definitely black. Calling him an African American does not tell you anything about that person other than where they might be from.

My bloodline is Irish. I've even been to Ireland. I am not an Irish-American. I'm a white cracker. Where we are from has NOTHING to do with describing the way we look. STOP trying to make it into something it's not.

And for you communist, socialist bastards that sue everyone for speaking the truth? You should be flogged and then thrown out of the country. Does anyone remember Stalin and other Socialist countries? Do we want to be like that?

Why do people make things so complicated?

In the last week or so I have had multiple conversations with multiple females that want some introspective insight on the male psyche. I guess they ask me because of the obvious answer, but it always astounds me how women want to make things far more complicated than it really is.

I always like to open the conversation with something I heard from a comedian. If a woman wants to turn a man on, she simply has to show up and bring beer. That’s it. That’s how complicated men are.

Now before I go any further let’s make sure that you understand that stereotypes exist for a reason. If you don’t believe that or don’t like it then you are disillusioned.

So listen up ladies! Here it is….and while you have probably heard it a thousand times you still don’t believe it.
The primary motivation for any guy that isn’t a geriatric (ok some geriatrics, too) is reproduction. Hence: sex. I believe that its part of our genetics and that we don’t understand it any better than the next animal on the planet.

Everything else evolves from, and is secondary to, the first. Companionship, friendship, relationships, marriage, etc. How we look, dress, the way we conduct ourselves is all about the first priority.

That’s not to say that all the other stuff isn’t important….but why did we talk to someone in the first place? Probably because we were attracted to them at a physical level. Either that or because we were being forced to fly wing-man because our friend was interested in another female.

So don’t over-complicate things. Sure there are dynamics in any relationship. But men are simple creatures.

You can break it down to:
Sex
ESPN Sports Break (for some of us, but not others)
Beer

Got it?

So the next conversation I seem to get wrapped up in is “Why are guys jerks? Why did he lie to me?”

First off, see the order of priorities above. That doesn’t always include wanting watch Steel Magnolias and listening to every intricate detail about your emotional state since he last saw you while trying to establish a long and meaningful relationship. 1

Seriously, I was recently engaged in a conversation where I explained some of this and the female-type-person said she would actually respect a guy that didn’t try to B.S. her just to sleep with her. If he would just be up front and honest, he’d have a fair shake. Ok, that is good.

About ten minutes later she said that she didn’t want to just sleep with someone she wanted to establish a relationship first, etc., ad nausea. My first thought was that here we are! Establishing a clean line of communication to men is important because we can’t read your minds. Ladies, did you get that? WE CANNOT READ MINDS. If you tell us one thing, that is what we think. If you say that nothing is wrong, expect us to take it to heart and to treat you like nothing is wrong. Don’t get mad at us later for it.
The next thing was that I pointed out reason #1 why guys are jerks and lie. They want to get laid. See above (1)….and see above that (order of priorities).

There is also is some well documented psychological phenomenon wherein women will tend to keep going out with the same kinds of jerks over and over again. There are, of course, multiple reasons including self esteem, wanting to “fix” someone (usually you can forget that), etc.

I like to think that women aren’t so gullible as to continuously believe the same crap that men spew forth in order to get a piece, but for some reason they keep doing the same things over and over again.

I’m sure I’ll touch some buttons with this one. Guys will be saying “that’s not true!” while their g/f’s read over their shoulders so that they still have a chance of getting some that evening.

Women will be saying that I have it all wrong, and that men and women aren’t really like that. Didn’t you read “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus?”

And of course both will be trying to point out all the other dynamics and nuances that make up our relationships. If you are trying that hard, you missed the point.

It’s all the rest of it that can get complicated if you allow it to. Keep it to the basics and it stays pretty simple.