The Price of Cheap Sex

Somehow, we were sitting around having one of our usual ADJECTIVE conversations and we started talking about the Real Doll. Now, if you have never seen or heard of a Real Doll, you should go check out the web site, but I’ve provided a couple of pics here just for your amusement.



The concept behind the Real Doll was to provide something more than just a blow-up doll. As you can tell from the pics they are pretty realistic looking. And I loved some of the marketing points. Here are three of my favorites:

Convenient – always ready and available
Relaxing and Comforting – provides stress-free companionship
Affordable – Cheaper than most alternatives

Convenient? Yeah, it’s a freaking doll. Of course it’s always ready and available. But I’m not sure it’s 100% convenient. These are life-sized dolls after all and weigh in at about 70 ~ 80 lbs. So, where you stash this when you aren’t getting your groove on could be problematic. Of course, you could keep it in the car and hit the toll roads without too much difficulty. Feeling spry? Pull over into a rest stop.

If you leave it lying around on the couch / bed, just be prepared to get a lot of strange responses and the occasional buddy that just couldn’t help himself and had to try it out. Umm…ewww.

Stress-free companionship? Yeah, I suppose if you are the type of person that never wants to have a conversation or interact with someone that has an opinion then it is certainly stress free. No more having to appease the other person. No more emotional breakdowns, whether they be freak-out tirades or all-night cry-a-thons. And no more happy moments other than your own sadistic perverted desires being fulfilled. That should go over just fine and you can become even more anti-social and withdrawn from society in your mom’s basement.

Affordable? These things run about $7,000. That’s fairly expensive, but far more affordable than a wedding, or expensive divorce. You also wouldn’t have to pay for movies, dinners, or any other fun things that real people do. So yeah, you might get off cheaper in the long run. Somewhere there is an ROI in here…..

But being the sick, twisted, heathens that we are we wanted to see if they could make a midget Asian for us. The shortest doll they had is 4’10, and while that just fits the Little People of America’s definition for a midget, it’s not short enough. So I sent them an inquiry….

Question:
I took a look around your web site and it certainly seems that you have a highly customizable product. However, I was interested in putting together a doll that had a definitive Asian face as well as a shorter body type.

It looks like the shortest body type you make is 4’10” and I’m really interested in a midget – something shorter than 4’6”. It also didn’t appear as if you have distinctly asian faces such as Vietnamese, Chinese, or Japanese. Can you put together a custom face?

Since these are custom modifications, can I get a rough idea of the budget I should put together for such a doll?

-- END OF SUBMISSION --


And their response:

Hello Calvin,

If you want a custom doll not based on any of our existing faces and bodies you're looking at a minimum of $50,000. Such a project would take at least eight months to complete, but probably longer. However, we have two distinctly Asian faces; number 9 (Mai) and number 13 (Kaori). I know Kaori is meant to be Japanese, and I believe Mai is Chinese.

Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Amanda
Abyss Creations LLC


Dood…. $50 grand?? Are you kidding me? I don’t know about you, but if you are really that hard up you could have a lot of sex for $50k. Heck, for $50k I can buy an Asian midget I don’t mean for the night, either. I mean permanently.