Guitar Hero, I am Not!

I’ve seen the game. I’ve heard people talk about the game. It’s all over the place and I’m sure they are making a bazillion dollars on it.

Several people I know have said I should play it. You’ll love it. It’s a way of life. (obscure Frank Zappa refernce for those of you that don’t know). They all said I would be great at it.

I’m good at video games….especially ones that require good hand-eye coordination and fast reflexes.

I also have been playing guitar for more years than I can count.

But the other night, I finally got my moment in the sun. My opportunity to shine and show them that I am a bad ass motherfucker!!! At least until my ass was kicked by a ten-year-old.

He hands me a “guitar” and takes one for himself. Now these guitars don’t have any strings. There are five buttons with colors on them for the left hand. Then there is some funky wedge thing where you would normally pick. It seems to respond to some basic pressure, but it’s nothing like really picking.

So the kid fires it up on “easy” mode….beginner mode…. I’ve never played this mode…. They should have had ‘Tard Mode because that’s what I felt like.

The game kicks it off with Foghat’s “Slow Ride.” Let me preface that I can play that song on the guitar for real. The game apparently didn’t think I could play it at all. I kept trying, but I’d hit the buttons and it would say I didn’t hit them, or that I hit them too early or too late. I was told I wasn’t supposed to be “picking” in ‘Tard Mode, but I couldn’t help it. Maybe that’s why it didn’t think I was doing it right. Maybe it was the Jager Bombs, but I still think I was at least close to hitting some of the notes.

I’ll have to try it again sometime. At the time, I just had to tuck my tail between my legs and praise the ten-year-old for kicking my ass.