One of the things I try to do is live my life without regrets. If I think I will regret something later on, that will have a profound impact on my thought process and the actions that may follow. I’ve done fairly well, especially once I got out of my teenage years.
But recently, I got hit pretty hard with some sad news. A girl I once new recently passed away. She was the first girl I ever really had a “thing” for. I am pretty sure she felt the same way for me, but we never did anything about it. I can’t say why we never did anything about it, but we didn’t. I introduced her to my best friend (at the time) and they ended up getting married and having some kids.
A couple of years ago I saw this guy at a bachelor party for another friend. We hadn’t spoken much in the last few years for no particular reason. Sometimes people just grow apart. He told me that she had recently been diagnosed with congenital heart failure. I was fairly shocked, but I also had heard that she had put on a lot of weight since having kids so while it made sense it didn’t mean that it was easy to hear.
About a day or two ago another friend called me to tell me she had recently passed away. Her husband didn’t know how to get in touch with me but wanted me to know since we had all been friends as kids and I had introduced them. I hadn’t talked to her in over 20 years, but it still saddens me to hear that she passed away. Over the years I had heard a couple of times she had tried to get in touch with me – probably just to say hello and see how I was doing, but I never responded. I am not sure why I didn’t. Maybe I was too busy. Maybe I was afraid of how to respond to her. Maybe I just wanted to remember her the way we were when we were kids. It doesn’t matter now, because she is gone and I’ll never have the opportunity again. I blew it. I fucked up and right now that is a regret I am realizing that I’ll have to live with the rest of my life.
I understand my friend (her husband) is hanging in there and has plenty of people surrounding him right now. I reached out to him, but I think he’s a little overwhelmed at the moment with people calling him and stopping by.
I also feel really bad for her parents. They had two kids, her older brother and her. Her older brother was shot and killed in front of one of my other friend’s house (purely coincidence –they didn’t know each other), and now she has passed on. She was a few years younger than me and her parents were a little younger than mine so I believe they are still alive. You shouldn’t have to outlive both of your children.
She will be missed by many.
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