I am a Fashion Victim!

I was told this once by a girl I was dating. It drove her nuts that I wasn’t into the latest fashion trends and tended to dress comfortable and inexpensively (i.e. slob). I remember on one specific occasion we were about to go off to a very casual party at some friends (mostly hers) house. I can’t remember if I had on jeans and a t-shirt or shorts and a t-shirt but that was it. She asked if I was really going “like that” and I explained that I was. She obviously didn’t like it and so I told her in no uncertain terms that if she didn’t like the way I was dressed then I’d be staying home. She went on to tell me how it was embarrassing because it looked like I couldn’t afford clothes. I explained to her that I already made more money than just about everyone there and I didn’t give a fuck what they thought about me.

I went to the party, and nobody seemed to care how I was dressed. Maybe they did care and were talking behind my back. I didn’t care. I had a good time and I was comfortable.

So maybe I am a fashion victim, but then again maybe I’m not. Maybe you are the fashion victim! I certainly have no desire to keep up with the Jones’s. I don’t care about designer clothes and trying to fit in with the trendy crowd. My wallet doesn’t shrink just because some movie star started wearing the same style of sunglasses Elton John wore back the 60’s.

But I do have to buy clothes from time to time. Oh sure, I pretty much wear what I have until they have holes in them and are falling apart, but eventually I have to have new stuff. I can’t stand shopping. I hate department stores. I hate all the Yentas with their kids in strollers. I hate the prices and I hate the lines. If I could do drive-through shopping or call my order in ahead of time I just might do that. That would work for most of my stuff, but sure enough I do have to actually look at some things and try them on before I will know if I like them.

So here are some of my major pet peeves with fashion at the moment:

Elton John sunglasses that make you look like an ET.
These are just hideous, OK? They went out in the 60’s for a reason. And not only are people buying them, they are buying them in droves. The designers got in on it and are stamping them with their logos and charging a butload of money for about $3.00 worth of plastic and manufacturing. Slave to fashion.

Sagging
A black guy once told me that this arose from prison wear. Prisoners would be issued pants and would not be allowed to have a belt while on suicide watch (standard for new prisoners) so their pants would sag. I don’t know if this is true or not, but it’s plausible. In any case, I am all about functional clothing. If you can’t walk right, can’t run, and can’t use one hand because your pants are falling off then you are a slave to fashion because you are well beyond the limit of functionality. To me, you look like a tard that doesn’t know how to buy the right sized clothes.

Shorts
I love shorts. I’m a very warm natured person and I get hot really quick so shorts are vital part of my wardrobe. But I do not understand why shorts have gotten so long that you might as well be wearing pants. With the exception of a specialized short (i.e. running shorts or climbing shorts) shorts should be roughly knee length give or take an inch or so. But now days the trend is for shorts to be half-way (or more) down you shin. When I was growing up these were called highwaters and you would get made fun of for wearing them. WTF is the point in this trend? It’s not much cooler than a pair of pants. Combine it with sagging and you get a bunch of guys that look like they are wearing skirts! Tards…

Sandals
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I cannot stand flip-flops on men. It looks and sounds totally retarded. It also perpetuates the entire slacker shuffle-your-feet-and-make-noise attitude that I can’t stand. Be a real man and put some fucking shoes on your feet. Ever see a guy get into a fight with flip flops on? It’s hard to be macho and intimidating to another guy when you get ready to throw down and your shoes are flip-flopping all over the place and as soon as you start to scrap those things are off your feet and you have no traction.

But that’s the fashion trend. It’s almost all flip flops out there. There aren’t many sandals left. And don’t give me a shoe that is mostly nagahyde, leather, vinyl, or human-skin that has vent-holes either. I want an open-toed sandal that has a strap on the front, one across the top part of your ankle, and one on the back to hold the sucker in place. Think of a sports-sandal. Those are great, but it would be nice to have one that is made in a material that looks good in a restaurant, too. I’ve been searching for weeks and I’ve found TWO that look like this. One wasn’t my size and one was $125 – are you fucking high?

Designer Crap, Logos, and Price
First off, I’m an admitted cheap bastard. As an example, I’m not spending $125 on a pair of sandals. Give me a good, quality pair of Italian leather shoes and I might spend even more on them. But not on a sandal.

People have gotten out of control with the whole designer thing. I don’t care if it says Mossimo on it. It doesn’t mean that it is any better than something else. In fact, most of the big designers are employing the use of sweat shops in other countries so that they can crank out their product faster putting more of it on the racks so that your hard earned dollars fly out of your wallet even faster.

And what do you do? You pay more for it. You pay more for it to say Mossimo, or Abercrombie and Fitch. $60 for a plain cotton t-shirt with a logo on it? Really?

And just what are you paying for? For the privilege of advertising for these people!!! I don’t mind if a shirt has a logo on it, but don’t splash it across the whole shirt and expect me to pay even more money to advertise for you. I have several Nike t-shirts that have mostly been given to me as gifts. Every single one of them has faded inside of a few weeks and most of them fell apart not long after. My cheap-ass, freebie, Mars t-shirt that was given to me at a promo deal years ago? Still as black as the day I got it and still holding up.

The last round of shirts I bought cost me $15.00 at target, don’t have fancy logos on them, and keep me cool and comfortable. If I want a $60.00 shirt it’s going to be a lot nicer than the crap people are putting on their bodies to hang out in.



And what about good merchandise? I have no problem paying good money for good merchandise as is evidenced by my sunglasses, suits, dress shirts, etc.

So you can probably see why I hate shopping for clothes. The current fashion trends drive me up the wall and they aren’t cheap. It’s getting harder to find good, quality clothes at a reasonable price that don’t make you look like a slave to the fashion mill.