Giving Back to the Kiddies!

I’ve had a pretty good year financially. Sure, I’ve had some other issues this year, such as being diagnosed with diabetes, but I can’t complain financially. I’ve had a little extra money come in from natural gas revenue, and I’ve made a lot of money working my ass off all over the place.

If you are kid, stop reading this right now or you are going to be sorely disappointed…..

Now it’s that time of year to give back. I was recently reading an article on the post office secret Santa’s. When little kids write to Santa Clause the post office intercepts the mail and goes through it. The ones that are the obvious, standard, write to Santa letters are more or less discarded, but the ones that are clearly hard luck cases in need of help are pulled out and set aside. You can then volunteer to pick up a few of the letters and get the stuff for the kiddies. I wasn’t really aware of this program, but I typically do an Angel Tree, and participate in a toy run. Some years, I am unable to participate due to my schedule and I always feel terrible. But I was reading that article and it just killed me. It always kills me. I just can’t stand hearing about kids that need clothes and food and stuff.

When you are a little kid you are supposed to be asking Santa for a new bike, or Barbie, or baseball glove, or a bb gun or something. You’re not supposed to be asking for a new pair of jeans or some shoes because your parents can’t afford them this year. No kid should have to go through that. Think about it. You can ask for anything in the world, it’s Santa after all, and you are going through such hard times that you don’t even ask for toys. I can’t take it…seriously, practically tearing up just writing this.

So I go down to the Angel Tree and pick a few kids off the tree and try to get them what they need, plus a little extra so they can have some semblance of a Christmas. This year I grabbed a couple of kids off the tree – well not really the kids. They don’t stick the kids on a Christmas tree, that would be uncomfortable for the little bastards – and went off to do some shopping for them.

One of the kids is named Jose. He’s 12 and needs some jeans and stuff. I was at Target trying to find jeans in his size – a size 18, and I got really confused. Kids clothes are like chick clothes. They have sizes, not true measurements, and I couldn’t find anything that was a size 18. Everything at Target went up to a size 16 “husky” – why they don’t call it “chunky” I don’t know. I went around to the Adult isle just to make sure I wasn’t smoking crack, but think about how tiny someone would have to be to have an 18” waist. Nope, that wasn’t it. Apparently Jose is a fat bastard.

Being the resourceful person that I am I call my g/f up since she is near a computer and ask her if she can find some translation of kids size 18 to an adult size. I was thinking I just wasn’t getting it. But apparently there isn’t a translation. I guess one day you just stop buying kids clothes and start buying adult clothes. I’m not really sure how that works.

Anyway, so I explain my dilemma and ask her to help out. Naturally I tell her I luck out, and got a fat bastard, am having problems, and can she help? While she is looking the stuff up she says something to the effect of “why do they call them husky and not fat?” and I reply back “because it’s politically correct to say ‘my kid is husky’ and it’s not politically correct to say ‘my kid’s a fat bastard.’” Little did I know I was speaking more loudly than I should have and some mom overheard this. She was not pleased. I think she would have stabbed me to death or caused some other bodily harm if she could have gotten away with it. She turned around and huffed and puffed her way out of the department. I told my g/f this as I was laughing. We both agreed that her kid must also be a fat bastard.
I have to go to Old Navy tomorrow, because apparently they carry fat bastard clothes for little kids and Target only carry’s semi-fat bastard clothes for little kids. At least Jose will have some clothes he can wear and I got him an MP3 player and stuff, too.

The Salvation Army is doing the Angel Tree through Dec. 12th. Last day to “adopt” is the 11th and you have to have your stuff in on the 12th. If you can find the time, and a few extra bucks, please go down and help out. Some kid, fat or not, will really appreciate it and you’ll make their day!