My Pointer Is Too Small!

The last class I taught in San Jose was interesting. It was a little too large and difficult to manage. I had about 25 students. I like it when it's about 15 or less.

In any case, I actually had a student ding me on my evaluation because.....

“Recommend instructor replace his current laser pointer with one that displays a larger light point….”

I've never had anyone tell me that my pointer was too small!!

Is He Black?

I was having a chat with my friend the other night. She has a Suzuki Hyabusa and has been riding it for about a year, now. She really enjoys the bike and I was telling her that I was looking forward to the new ones that are coming out.

She told me there was a guy at work that asked her for some help picking one out and learning to ride it. So here we have a first time rider that wants to get a bike that weighs in at about 450-lbs and lays down over 190+ bhp to the rear wheel. This is an accident waiting to happen. I asked her if she directed him to take the MSF (motorcycle safety foundation course) and get into a used 600cc bike to start with.

This guy wasn’t interested. He wanted to get a new ‘Busa, extended the swing-arm, drop (lower) the bike, custom paint it and chrome it all out. He does not, however, want to raced it.

So I asked if he is black. She asked does it matter? And I said, not really, but typically only a black guy would take a bike like that and sink a ton of money into it to customize it in such a manner and never ride it or use it for what it was made for.

Not Wired!

A few days ago I was working out at the gym and went to hit the elliptical machines for some cardio. I grabbed a “Wired” magazine and started reading it. I hadn’t read something like that in a long time, but it’s technology based so I figured I’d enjoy it.

As it turns out, I was wrong. The magazine does focus on technology. But it focuses on trendy technology. The latest cell phones, PDAs, game machines, laptops, etc. Not much on how this stuff works, but a lot on what bells and whistles they have. The formatting of the ‘zine is also geared towards the trendy folks that just have to be connected all the time.

I find it slightly ironic that my career and job is focused on making this technology work so that you can have access to things like this blog on your cell phone, but at the same time I don’t want anything to do with being connected all the time.

I don’t really give a ratt’s ass that my cell phone can surf the web, act as a camera, play videos, play music, etc. I don’t use these features and I certainly don’t want to be in a position where people can get in touch with me via phone, SMS, email, or some other form of communication 24 x 7. And because of this, I also don’t care what the latest cell phone / pda / MP3 player wizardry is that would allow me to do this.

All you hip, trendy, wired to the hilt folks can enjoy living in your virtual world. I’m going to go ride my bike and relish in the sights, sounds, smells, and experiences of the real world.

A Terrorist No More!

The TSA must think I chucked my turban and denounced my ways of terrorism. I just checked with the gate agent for my outbound flight to SJC and they said I was no longer on the “no fly” list. I guess they caught “the other guy.”

I never received any acknowledgement from the TSA on my request. So I don’t even know if they properly received my request. Nice, huh?

The whole security thing is a joke. Especially after I found out that employees of the airport and airlines can pretty much skate right through security without a check after-hours. You don’t enforce security some of the time, you enforce it ALL the time.

I don’t mind that we have tighter security. I DO mind that it’s a farce and not effective. I guess you could say it’s the illusion of security. Considering that my hard-earned tax dollars pay for this and I am the one that is standing in lines and wasting a lot of the time at the airport it really pisses me off.

Dream Theater In Concert!

Last night Dream Theater played at the Nokia building. The first two bands weren’t that good and I’m surprised that anyone even opened for DT as they typically don’t have opening acts.

DT started up about 9:00pm and it took about an hour to get through four songs. So far so good!!! Over all, it was a totally awesome concert! Those guys are just wrong, though. People shouldn’t be able to play that well for that long.

The only critical things I would say are that:
1 – James Labrie (lead vocalist) is getting pretty thin on top and needs to cut that shit off!! He’d be better off doing something different.

2 – James also flubbed a few lines on a song. I think he forgot the lyrics for a moment. Either that or the sound system was having a problem.

3 – I was slightly disappointed that they only played for a little over 2 hours! They usually play for closer to 3 hours.

Otherwise a most excellent show!

BTW – a big Thank You to Hopper for buying me a few beers and loaning me a few bucks for a shirt. I didn’t exactly have a way to spend much cash (see previous entry!).

I’m a Dumb-Ass!

Yesterday, I was talking to a trainer at the gym about signing up for some sessions. I told him I’d take 5 sessions just to tweak my training regiment. He said that was great and asked how I’d like to pay. Credit card, of course.

Then it hits me like one of those times when you are stuck on the freeway in rush-hour traffic in downtown Dallas and you suddenly have to go to the bathroom. Really, really bad.

I lost my wallet.

Not just a credit card or something, but the whole freaking thing! I went to the grocery store (which I lothe to do anyway) after working out and bought some fruits and veg to eat. Since I had my gym shorts on, I didn’t have a pocket to put my wallet in and stuck it on the little tray that is part of the grocery cart. I even remember telling myself not to do that because I’d forget it.

Sure enough, I did.

Scramble back to the grocery store (three hours later). The carts have all been taken inside. I go in and check, but they haven’t had a wallet turned in. Scramble back home and start calling banks and what-not to have my credit cards cancelled and re-issued.

I also went to the DPS today to get a new photo ID issued. Something tells me that this picture wouldn’t fly anymore.

Dream Theater was last night, and while I couldn’t go to the ATM to get any money out I was fortunate enough to keep a few spare bucks stashed in the house so I had a little money to spend.

It was really strange, though. I felt pretty nekkid out there. Not in the same way as not having my wallet with me, but in the way that I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t show ID, couldn’t get any money, and couldn’t pay for anything beyond the few bills I had in my pocket.

So now I am waiting for the fallout. I have new credit cards on the way, but I can’t buy airline tickets, rent cars, or get hotel rooms for work. I also am going to have to wait until the new cards come in to setup some of my e-payments again. And, of course, I need to call my insurance companies so that they can re-issue me some new insurance cards.

It’s pretty much a big pain in the ass and I’ll have to watch everything real carefully just in case someone decides to try to steal my identity (never had a problem with this before).

At least the extra rubber I kept in my wallet is easily replaced and not missed…..much.

Fat Bastard on the Rebound!

Well I have finally committed to getting my fat ass back in shape again. I find it odd that many people are telling me that I look like I’ve lost weight or that I look good. I can’t quite figure it out because let me tell you *I* know I’m a fat bastard. Your friend my lie to you while you are both horking down Crispy Cream’s faster than my truck sucks gasoline but the scale don’t!

Besides, just because I may be “average” to everyone else I feel like a fat bastard. I’ve always been skinny and in shape. Now I feel fat and out of shape. So, being the selfish prick that I am it’s really all about me. J

In any case, I had been trying to do more things this summer like biking but it rains all the time. If I want to hike, it’s boring compared to hiking 9000-foot mountains with 2000-foot vertical climbs. And I’m really not sure which is worse – being accosted by a enraged crack head with a bald guy fetish or checking over my shoulder for grizzlies, but something tells me that I enjoy being with the bears more.

In any case, it’s all an excuse. Ultimately, you have to make the decision to be a fat bastard and balloon up to epic proportions Al Gore style, or do something about it. So I’m trying to do something about it. I was hitting the stationary cycle in PA, and now I signed back up at the local gym. They gave me a smoking price (can you beat $15.00 / month?) because I used to work out there all the time and remembered me. “WTF happened to you? You fat bastard!”

So now that I plonked down my hard earned cash I feel motivated to go to the gym because I am also a cheap bastard and I hate throwing my money away. Today was my first day lifting weights again. It was all chest and triceps for today with a good solid 30-mins of cardio on top of a warm-up and however long it took me to rip off some sets. I really tried to take it easy because I know I am going to be hurting for the 1st week or two. So I tried to be good and just let my body know it was going to be dealing with this again and to get ready for it.

Tomorrow, if you ask me how I am I’m sure I’ll say I am fine, but please don’t touch my he-bitch-man-titties!!!!

My Terrorist Activities

Today's Guest Posting is yet again from Bling! Thanks Bling! (My name has been slightly altered to protect my terrorist identitity)

"In the news, Brad Muhammad Smith is being sought in connection with recent terror activities. Authorities claim that nationwide levels of alcoholic beverages have dipped dangerously low and attribute the drop with the presence of Smith and his associates. While many terror experts dispute the claims, since Muslims do not normally drink, witnesses have shown increased willingness to come forward with stories of late night binges and surreptitious partying. The prosecution's main witness, known only by the code name "The Weasel" has agreed to provide details about past activities of Smith. Police have requested that anyone knowing the whereabouts of Brad "Allah is All" Smith should not approach him, but instead to alert the authorities and order him a drink......."

Track Days

‘Priller is Just Fine

Last week, Hopper and I had a small accident in which we ended up colliding while on our bikes. We are both fine, but the bikes suffered some minor damage. I think mine got the least of it as his fender hit my back tire and got my right-side tail-pipe.

The pipe itself came out mostly OK with some minor scratching and a hairline crack in the carbon fiber weave – all on the underside of the pipe. The worst thing that happened on my bike is that the steel band that holds the pipe on got munched pretty good. I took it all off the bike and straightened it out yesterday. Nothing like sweating your balls off in the garage and getting metallic fragments buried into your skin while you try to straighten something like this out. Fortunately, with some very minor exceptions your average person probably can’t even tell that something happened to the bike.

His bike got it much worse as his dresser fender got wrinkled up and crushed the front running light.

I felt really bad for him because he’s only had his “new” HD about a month and so far:

The seat almost came off of it in mid-ride because the bolts vibrated out. He said that it was a “pucker” moment and that his eyeballs almost touched his goggles.

His check engine light had been coming on – unknown as to why at this point.

His front fender is now damaged and will be far more difficult to repair than my ‘Priller.

Why are Dems Trying to Snuff Out Common Sense?

There is a bill being proposed that originally started as a non-bipartisan bill to prevent people from being sued should they report suspected terrorist activity to the authorities. I think what kicked this off was the group of Muslim scholars that were about to board a plane when many of the passengers noticed them intensely praying and saying things like “Allah Akbar” – a common phrase yelled just before igniting one’s self into a fireball and taking out as many people as possible.

In any cases, these folks sued and I am not quite sure what happened with the lawsuit. Our government has been encouraging us for years now to report suspicious activities. Some of those reports have led to terrorist arrests and potential plots being stopped in their tracks.

Now, though, the democrats are making an effort to block a bill which would prevent Joe Citizen from being sued simple because he did his duty.

I often times don’t understand politics, but it certainly seems to me that the radical left is often at odds with common sense and their own goals.

USB Fan Kicks Ass and Takes Names!

I am in another hotel that has one of the A.C. units that shuts off when it get to the right temperature. That’s fine, except that I like moving air when I sleep. I can put the unit on “fan only” but then it won’t keep the room cool. If I keep the room cool the unit shuts off at the desired temperature. It’s either that or get the room so cold that icicles form on unmentionable body parts. What to do?

BAM!!

Introducing the USB Fan on a flexible goose-neck. Bling! said I am “such a geek” for having this…..but it didn’t cost me hardly any money and guess what? It works like a champ.

Simply:
1) place laptop with USB connection on the nightstand beside the bed
2) Plug in the portable USB fan
3) Adjust the goose-neck so that the fan is blowing towards you

Problem solved!! Now I can enjoy cool, refreshing, circulating air without freezing to death!

I Must Be A Terrorist!

Yesterday when I went to check in for my flight I went to one of the little kiosks like I usually do. It told me that it was unable to process my itinerary and I had to see an agent. Fortunately, the line wasn’t that long. Unfortunately, there were three sloth’s working the counters and it took forever to get to an agent.

When I finally got there I was informed that I am on the “No Fly” list. This is all new to me. “How does one get on the no fly list?” I ask. “We don’t know and we can’t tell you.”

“Does that mean I can’t fly?”
“No, it just means you have to always see an agent and we have to check you out.”

Now as many of you are aware, I travel a lot. Maybe not as much as some people, but definitely more than most. It’s usually not too bad to go up to a kiosk, check in and dump your bags before heading off to security. In some cases, I don’t even check a bag to make the process even that much faster.

But NOW I have to go see an agent. This means I have to allocate a substantial amount of time to do this. There are some flights I would not have made if I had to stand in that stupid line.

How do I get off the list? I can fill out a request with the TSA and submit some “paperwork” and then they will process it in some unknown amount of time. However, right now I can’t even fill that out online because the web site is hosed. That means I have to mail everything and that will have to wait until I am back home.

Big pain in the ass!!! Considering I fly about 60+ thousand miles a year and take roughly four flights a month and have been for years I am surprised I am on the “no fly” list. I don’t have an uncommon name so perhaps they have me confused with another anglo-saxon male that also has a similar European / American name. Perhaps if I was of middle-eastern descent and had a name like Mohammed Salami Fuquad I’d be able to fly with less hassle.

What did YOU do this weekend?

I had a pretty good weekend, even though I didn’t get out and party my ass off Friday or Saturday night. Aside from some of my usual things I try to get done I:

Went to a nudist resort and attended a chili cook-off. Ever seen naked pool volleyball? “Hey man, just make sure it’s the hot dog on the grill, ok?”

Rode motorcycles to get there, and had a small accident on the way back (nobody was injured and there is just some minor cosmetic damage to both bikes).

Played racquetball for the first time since I injured my knee and ankle – about three years ago. It felt a lot better than I thought it would and I only felt my that my knee was unstable once. But today my butt and my legs are sore, which is to be expected.

Hung out at the pool with Weasel, his wife, and their kids. Played hard with the kids and had a great time. This put me in the sun for about the third or fourth straight day and I am just now showing signs of a slight burn. Don't forget your sunscreen kiddies!

Saw a major car accident that probably resulted in a death or two. This was fairly depressing and makes you appreciate how quickly it can all end.

Live Earth Flop?

Well I am sure it wasn't a flop. I'm sure those folks made plenty of money!!!!

I'm constantly amazed by how many people have no real clue about what is going on in the global warming debates and wars. Those people that just accept, as fact, that we are destroying our planet and it's OUR fault.

Let's get something straight - the earth existed for a loooooong, long, long, time before "man" ever came along. If we had a nuclear holocaust and destroyed every living thing on the planet (with the exception of some very hardy insects), the earth would survive and thrive millions of years later - just without man. So, even if we were as bad as the alarmists say we are the only thing we are truly hurting is ourselves.

So my friend, Phil, forwarded me this link to the Live Earth thingie and there is a voting poll on the right of the web page. Here are the results, which I found to be quite humorous:

http://www.liveearth.msn.com/green/bestofgreen

Which of the following best characterizes your feelings about the Live Earth event?

It was an awesome, inspiring display of unity by some of the world’s top artists
19%
It was a great weekend of music by an all-star lineup
8%
It was a self-serving publicity stunt for climate alarmists and their entertainment industry friends
56%
I didn’t follow the event
17%

Faster Than Dark!

OK, so I had at one time posted that I wanted to go faster than the speed of light. Now I want to go faster than the speed of dark!!!!

Just when I thought it was safe Suzuki released the mostly new (redesigned) GSXR1300, also known as the Hyabusa II ('Busa II for short).

Claimed output is over 190bhp at the rear WHEEL. One reporter said he saw three digits on the dyno at the testing facility and one of them started with a "2"!!! If it's anything like the first 'Busa it will be a serious bike!!!!

Now, though, the problem is that I was really eye-balling the new Kawasaki Concourse. It's $14k and not sticking on the dealer showroom floors, but I haven't seen any reviews of it as of yet. One local dealer said I could have their third or fourth one coming in if I wanted to drop $500 bills.

So now the question is - 'Busa or Concourse? What's that you say? Buy them both?

Cute Little Bastard!

Things Never Change

Today I was driving around running a few errands and for whatever reason decided to throw in my Stormtroopers of Death CD - Speak English or Die

SOD was one of the early thrash bands that bordered on punk and death metal. Mostly made up of Anthrax members, they wrote and recorded the album in about 3 days. I'm not sure, but it's even my earliest recollection of a type of music called "grind" which later matured to be even heavier.

You can't take SOD seriously, but I found it ironic that some of the lyrics from their classic hits are still relevant today almost 20 years later (album was released in 1987). I thought I'd share some of these melodies with you, gentle reader, to show you what I mean:

Speak English or Die

You come into this country

You can't get better jobs

Boats and boats and boats of you

Go home you fucking slobs

Selling hot dogs on the corner

Selling papers in the street

Where you come from must be beat

Chorus:

You always make us wait

You are the ones we hate

You can't communicate

Speak English or die

You don't know what I want

You don't know what I need

Why must I repeat myself

Can't you fucking read?

Nice fucking accents

why can't you speak like me?

What's that dot on your head,

Do you need it to see?

And, 20 years earlier this throwback to a more civilized time:

Fuck The Middle East

Fuck the middle east

There's too many problems

They just get in the way

We sure could live without them

They hijack our planes

They raise our oil prices

We'll kill 'em all and have a ball

And end their fucking crisis.

Beirut, Lebanon - won't exist once we're done

Libya, Iran - we'll flush the bastards down the can

Syrian and Shites - Crush their faces with our might

Then Israel and Egypt can live in peace without these dicks!

And of course, with global warming:

No Turning Back

The atmosphere is breaking up

Sunlight starts to burn my skin

Loosing weight, but I swell

Wish I'd die and leave this hell

Cannot stop no turning back

Rays that burn my front and back

Our solar death that we deserve

For being ignorant with our world.

Chorus:

We will die, we will fry

We never learn, so now we burn!

The time has come to start again

But first we all must see the end

By hand of God or man

To oblivion we descent

I think that this is understood

Wouldn't stop it if I could

Time for the human race to die

And give our world a chance to thrive!

The Long Life Triangle

Weasel Gets Married!

¼ bottle of Jack Daniels
½ bottle of Jagermeister
½ bottle of Rumple Minz
320 Miles
15 hours
A box and a half of shotgun shells
One pack of beef jerky
Two Wedding Rings
A small Church
A minister
…And Ron is now married!